first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
