first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
