I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
