So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
