don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
