3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
