you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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