im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
