gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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