I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
