i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Green mimosas i think yes
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
