My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
