Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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