Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
