What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
