i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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