i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
this boner is exhausting
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Randomize
