Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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