I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
