Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude i'm inner monologue high
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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