Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
