hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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