Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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