we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
