dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
