i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
