One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
