Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
