Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
