Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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