if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
