Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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