dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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