Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
