No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
