I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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