I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
