bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
