you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
