Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
