this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
