Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
