bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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