I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
