She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
