I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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