i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
