also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
