she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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