Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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