just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
