So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize