throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Pooping to opera.
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