Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
