nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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