oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
