They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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