Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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