the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
