her vagina looked like bernie madoff
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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