margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
