Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
