its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
