We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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