You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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