well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Who died my cat blue again?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
