True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
