I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
