True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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