Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
