Welp...herpes.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
