I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
