If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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