i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
