Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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