It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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