I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
