Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
