you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
